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About Me
- Pretty Lady
- Darlings, where to start? Sometimes I feel as though I have lived a thousand lives in this one, dewy and unlined though my complexion may be. To Tell All may be to intimidate; thus I maintain, at most times, a discreet reserve. But here I share my musings, perhaps revealing the secret to my exquisite poise and charm.
9 comments:
I so much relate to what you are saying. I moved in with my mother, sister and step-father in 2008 with this very idea - that what I needed was community and connection, not a condo I struggled to pay for on my own.
Unfortunately, that didn't work out so well because my mother is, present tense, an abuser, and I can't have what you are describing, a family to share my life with.
But in general, assuming no such predicament, I think North America's habit of splitting up into nuclear families is an expensive mistake. All immigrants prosper by pooling resources and living together, and benefit both emotionally and materially from having each other.
I am planning to live with roommates in a short while. It feels weird on one level, because I am 35, and It's Just Not Done At My Age. But if all goes well, I will be moving in with a friend. We are both lonely. We both struggle with depression on top of present-day financial issues. We could both be very good sources of companionship and support for each other. And we are both mature enough that hopefully whatever living-together issues and annoyances arise, we can resolve them peacefully and in an atmosphere of mutual respect.
I much prefer this option to living alone right now, while I am struggling with loss of family and unemployment, even though my culture tells me that I shouldn't.
That sounds like a great plan, Spatch. Unfortunately a lot of people have abuse issues in their nuclear families--I'm wondering if that isn't partly because of our isolating culture as well. But that's another conversation.
I'm sort of hoping we see a cultural shift toward more people doing co-housing, having roommates, living with extended families, etc. It improves everybody's social skills, as well as being economically, environmentally and socially more sustainable.
I'm incredibly happy that the move is working for you. I totally relate to the empty space in my own nuclear family's blueprint that would have been filled by extended family.
OTOH: Moving in with my Dad was an option for us when we were without corporate income; part of me thinks that might actually have been best for the kids over the next ten years or so of their lives, but honestly the thought still gives me the screaming heebie jeebies. We dandelion fluff take off for our own reasons.
I'm sure Joe will have a harder time with this than you will, at least in the short term. But on the other other hand, if you're massively de-stressed (as this post makes it sound) that's going to relieve pressure on him, too. So maybe this is one of those happy worst-case scenarios.
Good to see you writing again. (BTW, do you want a Google Voice account? I've got an invitation to give.)
It is true that if we were staying with MY family, I might not be sounding so smug. That's why roommates might be ideal--no baggage.
What's Google Voice? I've gotten some Google Wave invites, but haven't had time to explore what it's about.
Google voice gives you your own new phone number that you can "attach" to an existing phone. Free phone calls to any domestic number (you have to call your own Google number, press "2" and dial the other number.)
Includes voicemail and a surprising good text transcription of messages.
The nice thing is you can attach more than one number, or change the attached number. In your situation where you don't necessarily want to be tied to a specific (land line or cell provider) number in the near future it might be useful. I'll send you the invite.
By the way, Google Wave is about the most confusing thing I've ever tried to find a use for, and this comes from someone who used Lotus Notes.
Congrats to you and Joe on the move. I am unfortunately an ALWAYS fan of change and trying things new from time to time. I have been wondering about you guys daily for the last week but did not want to intrude.
A lot of good points about living with others. I have been living with others for about 5 years and what I found out is that sometimess it works and sometimes it doesn't. Everyone has baggage but when people keep most of their suitcases to themselves, everyone has the opportunity to be supportive and yet leave some boundaries in tact. Sometimes that works, sometimes it pays to relocate, neither a good thing nor a bad thing, just a smart thing to do.
danonymous
Thanks, Danny! I have an email in draft to you that didn't get sent in all the chaos. I'll be in touch soon.
Danny, I don't have your email, and I don't think Steph will mind me commandeering her space for a minute - I love my spoon (or fork?) ring! You have an amazingly generous spirit. Thanks,
Oriane
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