Ruthless scrutiny

Someone Pretty Lady had never heard of until yesterday has kindly taken it upon himself to decide what is wrong with her:

Pretty Lady finds herself in a quandary not necessarily of her own making.

There is an old saying that if you keep doing what you've always done, you'll keep getting what you've always gotten.

What seems to be missing in her equation is an element of intuition. Of course, things would go so much more smoothly for her (and, indeed, all women) if only she could spot the "fractured psyche" before being taken in by the "enormously high intelligence, (and) a habit of thinking outside the box".

Mercifully, we learned long ago to spot the more egregious flaws in the psyches of those women with whom we have come in contact.

Pretty Lady is excessively humbled. That some random stranger would have figured it all out, just like that! My, my. No intuition! That's her problem. She'll get on top of that one right away.

Of course, Pretty Lady is just being disingenuous. Lack of intuition has never been her problem. Rather, she suffers from an excess of intuition, coupled with an overloaded sideboard of creative empathy. It is no accident that she seeks out those souls with dramatically damaged psyches; it is merely an excess of misplaced spiritual generosity, as well as a certain amount of hubris, which has led her to immolate her heart upon the altar of the Tortured Genius. It has been a mistake. She freely admits that. However, she cannot honestly say that it was one she regrets making.

Because, darlings, we are all broken. If we were whole we would not be living here, hurling curses and remedies every which way but homeward. We would be in a state of Uninterrupted Bliss, which, judging by the website of this self-styled 'master,' is not within shouting distance of where he's hanging. Thus, after measured scrutiny, she respectfully declines to accept his advice.

No, Pretty Lady rejects the notion that flawed persons are, by definition, unlovable, and should be sussed out and ruthlessly avoided, except when one pauses to generously harry them with unsolicited advice. There are different ways to love people; Pretty Lady has a tendency to love unwisely and too well. Recognizing this tendency is the first step toward curbing it. Pretty Lady's habit of ruthless self-scrutiny has finally led her to the obvious, and she is grateful.

Because if a person is to live life with integrity, one must sooner or later look oneself in the mirror and ask, "Tell me. Am I a complete asshole?" Pretty Lady has asked herself this question many times. In days long past, the answer was sometimes "yes." She modified her attitudes accordingly. In latter days, the answer more frequently has been "no, not really. Hubristic, ambitious, idealistic, complicated, unnecessarily confusing, at times. But by and large, this person is someone who works very hard at loving. So, no."

Pretty Lady feels that it is generally much less productive to ask this question of other people, since other people are not within her realm of control. She even declines to suggest that they ask themselves this question. The ones who have the least to fear from the answer have already asked it, and the other ones are beyond her reach.